Past/present/future

Camille Cusack

Mrs. Balleweg

Block D

22 March 2019

Chapter One

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

Life is a fickle and fragile thing in which we find ourselves amidst many life changing moments. However, between those defining moments is the grey area of life, and in that area I believe largely lies contentment and comfort. Although the grey areas of my life are my comfort zone in which I find myself just passing time and going through familiar routines, it is outside of this space that I have had my most valuable experiences. From the mesh of moments that is my life, I plucked the most prominent joys and sorrows that I feel defined me. Looking back on them now spurs a bittersweet feeling in which I am grateful for the definition and detail that each of these events fashioned into my soul.

The event that changed me the most was entering Chaminade High School as a freshman in 2015. I had previously gone to a small, sheltered school called Saint Bernardine of Siena and graduated from a class of thirty students. These were the same thirty students I had spent my elementary and junior high with, so they felt like family and being around them was always a comfortable time in my life. Coming to Chaminade was a slight shock because I had never been around so many students and new faces all at once. Over the course of my freshman year, I grew socially by being accepting of and reaching out to my peers, and soon I was building new friendships that I still have to this day. The high school experience might have been scary and intimidating in the beginning, but in no time, it became an amazing experience for me.

While I did gain new friends my freshman year, I felt as though I lost one when my brother left for college at the beginning of my sophomore year. My brother, Jared, is one of my best friends and his move to San Diego was sad for me, especially because I no longer had him around to talk to. Although it was a lonely time, it helped me grow to be at peace with being alone more often and encouraged me to call and text him to keep our relationship strong. It is not an easy task keeping in touch with a loved one who lives far away, but I challenged myself to do so and I am grateful for the skills I developed in communication and the routine of always checking in with others. It had not been a priority to me previously, but when I began to prioritize staying in touch for my brother, my attentiveness also began to spread to my other relationships, near and far. I strengthened the bond with my family and friends by checking in with them more frequently and they happily returned my efforts.

Not only did I strengthen the relationships with my existing friends, but I also reconnected with old friends that I encountered at the Saint Bernardine’s fall festival in 2017. These were the same friends I had gone to elementary and junior high with, so seeing and reconnecting with them at the festival felt easy and expanded my friend group. Spending time with them allowed me to gain new perspectives on high school and overall made me incredibly happy. These friendships, however, were not always easy because we did have disagreements arise and sorting it out felt exhausting at times. The struggles I faced with those friends taught me how to better address conflict with others and reminded me of how rewarding it is to resolve issues with friends. We are now closer than ever and still spend time together as a group.

Suddenly, amidst my busy junior year in which I was juggling friends and school, my grandpa on my dad’s side of the family passed away. His death was a sad shock for my entire family because of what a joyful and generous man he had always been, even during his rigorous battle with Alzheimer’s. My family and I quickly packed up and flew to Missouri for the funeral at which my extended family from across the Midwest came to mourn my grandpa. During this time, my family made a great effort to come together to support one another amidst this loss and hardship, especially my grandma who had begun dating him in the sixth grade and was married to him for 55 years. I then imagined what it would be like to lose lifelong friends and loved ones and realized how important it was that I always appreciate them and show them how much I care about them. I began doing nice things for my family and best friends, such as always checking in with them and doing simple acts of kindness like bringing them coffee.

A few months later, I gained a new family member to appreciate. In July of 2018, I got a new maltipoo puppy. Although we had not planned on getting a dog, my aunt adopted him and shortly after realized she did not have the time to take care of a pet, so she asked my family to take him. We were all apprehensive, especially because our two dogs had recently died within a month of each other in April. It seemed too soon to get a new pet, but our dog, Romeo, is now a source of happiness for my family and I. I help take care of him and always try to appreciate his presence because I know that my loved ones are not something to take for granted. Caring for him also helps me to be accepting of and even embrace responsibility.

My past has certainly had its highs and lows, and at this point in my life, I am grateful for all of them. They have shaped me into the person I am today and allow me to have developed new perspectives in all aspects of my life. Each event affected me in its own time and season, and imagining what defining moments the future holds for me is exciting. I look forward to the future and the new experiences to come that will only further define who I am now.

Camille Cusack

Mrs. B

Block D

4/2/19

Growth

Presently, my life has taken on a form similar to a hurricane; it is a whirlwind of finishing and graduating from high school, choosing what college to go to, finishing service hours, and trying to balance my social life on the top of it all. This season of change in my life is exciting as well as surreal because ending high school and moving away to be independent in college is something I had never put much thought into, and it feels as though it hit me out of nowhere. That being said, I figure the best way to process all the challenges and changes I am facing at this time is to focus on the present and near future that will conclude my senior year. With my last couple of months ahead of me, my perspective is bittersweet when looking back on the years I have spent in high school and those to come. Not to mention, I am lucky to have family and friends who support and encourage me at this time.

One of my most supportive family members is my dog, Romeo. We were given the gift of his presence in July 2018, and in August 2018, we decided to keep him permanently, making him an official member of the family. He is still less than a year old, leaving him with copious amounts of energy to tear up shoes, dig into trash, destroy carpets and furniture, as well as track mud all over the house. Although he is a monster and has destroyed four pairs of my shoes, we love him because his big personality brings the family together. He is like the centerpiece of my family in the sense that he gives us something to speculate about, which motivates my parents and I to communicate more, even if it is just about a dog. I generally have a good relationship with my parents, but with Romeo’s presence, it has strengthened the family bond we all have.

On top of a strong family bond between my parents and I, my extended family will be expanding in 2019. My cousin Olivia told me at Christmas of 2018 that her boyfriend of 6 years, James, will propose to her in the upcoming year. This was happy news because James is a nice, smart guy who has grown over the years to feel like family already for all of us. When she told me, I began to realize how old my cousins and I are becoming and that we will each eventually start our own lives and branch off, which is why it is so important for all of us to make the conscious effort to remain close and in contact. Family is the most valuable thing in my life, and I know now that I want to make the extra effort to keep my cousins and I close, especially because one day when we have our own children, they can be close to each other and have extended family of their own that they can reach out to.

Shortly after Christmas, in January 2019, the grades for first semester finals came out and I discovered I had gotten an A in Sports Medicine with Ms. L. That class should be called AP Sports Med because it is known for being challenging and mentally strenuous, so when I saw my grade I was impressed with my ability to maintain and receive an A. This made me realize it is important to never underestimate myself as well as work hard on challenging things because it is rewarding to do well in the end. I hope to carry this mentality with me into college, because it will motivate me to do well in my classes, especially the tough ones, and boost my self-esteem by believing that I am capable of achieving great things. I also believe that envisioning good things happening and working to achieve high grades will open the door for the universe to send good things my way.

Ultimately, all the hard work I put into high school will be worth it once I graduate. In June 2019, I will graduate high school and I cannot wait for the day I put on my cap and gown. After all my service hours at the Guadalupe Center and late nights studying for tests, graduation finally feels within reach. While my memories here have been the best in my life so far, I am looking forward to what the future holds and venturing off into the unknown of college. Graduation will not only be the end of an era, but also the beginning of a new chapter in all of our lives, and I am excited to see where each of us will find ourselves in 10, 20, or 50 years. The day will be overflowing with emotions of joy, sadness, and uncertainty as we leave familiarity to enter the world as adults. We will carry with us a new responsibility to be in charge of the course our lives take as well as begin the process of growing into the people we are meant to be.

While the future is wide open at this time in my life, I am going to take it easy during the summer and enjoy myself before I must step up to the challenge of living independently. I am looking forward to the summer of 2019 more than anything because rolling out of bed on the morning of a lazy summer day, having the sweet scent of the jasmines outside drift into my window, and spending afternoons on the beach are my favorite things. Summer will be a time to clear my head of worry and embrace the changes that have blown my way, which will allow me to be emotionally and spiritually prepared for college. During this time, I would like to continue tutoring the kids at the Guadalupe Center where I completed my service hours because of how rewarding it is to help the kids learn. I will also spend the summer with my high school friends before we drift off in our separate ways, enjoying my dog Romeo’s presence every day before I won’t see him while I’m away at school, and with my family to enjoy the time I have at home before the next time I come back during college. The future can be a scary thing, but I am happy I have a sunny California summer to clear my mind.

The recent and upcoming events in my life are certainly a mesh of bittersweet joy and uncertainty, but I know that each challenge I face now or later will be the things that shape me into the person I am meant to be. I hope to be a person who embraces change, works hard, and stays close to their family. With time, I will grow spiritually and emotionally to be able to endure each of life’s hardships as well as cherish each of life’s gifts that are to enter my life after high school. New things await each of us, and good or bad it is the experience to be grateful for. My life may be hectic at this time, but these are the moments I will never forget with some of the best friends I will take with me forever.

Camille Cusack

Mrs. Balleweg

Block D

5/10/19

A Family Spirit Filled Future

While the future is full of uncertainty, I have realistic expectations of the course my life will take and the person I will become. Through fulfilling experiences in school, obtaining a career I will enjoy, gaining financial independence and having a family of my own, my life can be an amazing experience. I don’t imagine that achieving these things will be easy, but I am more than willing to put in hard work to reap the benefits of success and happiness in all aspects of my life. Alongside this, I look forward to seeing the paths my family and friends will take in their futures, and I intend on maintaining those relationships while forming new ones with others I will meet along my journey. Most importantly, though, is to be present in every moment I find myself in and not focus all my attention to the future.

In the near future, I will be furthering my education at and graduating from college circa May 2023 from Cal Poly Pomona or UC Irvine (if I ever get off the waitlist). Hopefully I can complete my studies within the course of 4 years and establish a strong foundation of whatever it is I ultimately choose to major in. Currently I am drawn to biology and the medical field, but I am sure my interests will change and I look forward to seeing the career path I choose. No matter the path I will take, I am committed to dedicating myself to my major and forging a successful future for myself upon what I study in college. Graduating college will be the real start of my life as an independent, working adult and I have no doubt that it will be a great day.

It is questionable as to whether or not I will obtain a job straight out of college, but I intend on finding a stable career in the fall or summer of 2023 to which I can apply my education. It is often uncommon for people to enjoy what they do, but I hope to do something that I really love and never grow tired of doing. My passion for work will make me a solid member of an organization/company, and lead me to earn a steady income from which I will be able to support myself financially with some income to spare. It is important to me that I become financially independent because I do not want to always rely on my family or take out loans, but most of all I believe paying all my own expenses will help me truly appreciate everything I have. Working will give me a strong sense of self in all aspects of life and allow me to have new freedoms.

With the money I will save up from working, I will most likely begin renting my own room or apartment. Before I am financially stable enough to do this, I will most likely live at home or have my parents help pay for the room or apartment I will be renting. I expect to have my own place around winter of 2024 that I can furnish and take responsibility for. This will only further establish my independence and while it may be a place to call home, I plan on it being only temporary before I eventually have a house and a family. I think it is necessary to have my own place before I am able to start thinking seriously about marriage and a family.

Most likely between 2026-2028, when I will be around 26-28, I hope to get married, which is the vocation I want to pursue. I feel that it is important to spend my early twenties establishing myself before settling down and taking steps toward marriage with a significant other. I believe a lifelong companion is an amazing thing and I plan to put in effort to work out all marital issues to avoid ever getting divorced. I will definitely be picky when considering if someone is marriage material and never settle for less because that may lead to issues and disagreements in the future. While marriage is still far in the future for me, the idea of having a family and growing old with someone I love is something I want.

After getting married, I would like to have kids around 2028-2031. I would want two children to care for and watch them grow. I have been told many times that being a parent is hard work, and while that is scary because being a parent is a lifelong commitment, I have also been told that having and raising kids is the most rewarding thing and ultimately the difficulties of parenthood are outshined by the joys of it. I want to have a family and watch it expand and grow as my future kids have their own kids. I look forward to the simple times of baking for my kids and grandkids and being able to help them with little things like homework. I feel that having children and taking responsibility of caring for a family will also be my way of serving God, especially because I plan to raise them with religion in their lives.

I have many hopes for my future, none of which I believe are too far-fetched. One day when I am old, I hope to look back on my life with no regret and with happiness that I was able to love my friends and family without ever losing my sense of self and being able to stay close to God. From a graduation to a career, and from a career to my own place, and from my own place to marriage and eventually children, I am sure my life will be beautiful. Imagining my future puts it in perspective for me that I am still young and have a lifetime to accomplish everything I want to, and that with the determination I carry with me as well as the family spirit and academic preparation I have gained from Chaminade, I will be successful in all my endeavors. The future’s uncertainty may be scary at times, but beneath the fear of the unknown lie endless possibilities, sprawling across the years to come.

Past/present/future

Camille Cusack

Dedication

About me